Finding Love After Divorce

Have you been holding onto the vow, “…to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?” And maybe you did for many years. Now, it seems you have to start all over again. But finding love after divorce is possible. So don’t give up just yet.  

Let me share my story with you…

My husband and I were always fighting over small things. We could not understand each other. He was not lacking in financial support. But I know for a fact that we, ladies, are not actually bothered even if he was. What matters to me is how a man would treat me.

My Failing Marriage

After getting off from work, he would immediately scurry away and would spend all his time with his circle of friends. It hurts me the most because why would he choose to waste time with the people who may or may not be true to him instead of being with me. Me, the one who is always there for him. I know men will always choose to act like men but when you are in the world of marriage, you are bound by responsibility and limitations. 

One day,  he was getting his stuff ready because his team was going on land trips for tower inspections, which I know would take him long to come back home. While he was in the shower, I noticed his phone was ringing. It was a video call request from Facebook. Strange… I couldn’t help but check. And I realized it was a woman calling. I read their text conversation and found out there were romantic exchanges.

Of course, I confronted him. In front of our children.

We argued and cussed at each other. I heard my children begging for us to stop but I was trapped with the emotions I was currently feeling.  I saw him packing his things. Then he left home.

A Love that Never Was

I was hopeful that despite the argument we had, he would come home. But days turned into weeks. And weeks turned into months.

Still, he never came back home.

Our children were constantly asking me to call their father. But my pride got in the way and I never did.

Months later, my daughter discovered something. She found out that her father had chosen his mistress over the family he already had. It sent me to unending nights full of tears and regrets. And I even thought of ending my life.

It was a traumatic experience when the foundation I had built for a long time had fallen apart. My mind was in chaos. I was thinking about my children. I have a lot of questions in my  mind like.

How can my children accept the sudden fate of a once completed family?”

Will my children choose one side and despise the other?

Where would fate bring me after this?

These were just a few of the many thoughts that kept on running through my mind that made me lose hope in regaining myself and my life.

Divorcing with a child is hard. I reached out to my ex-husband to come to an agreement for the sake of our children. He needed to stay focused on his responsibilities with our children. Being a partner is way different from being a parent. 

Healing After Divorce

After the devastating experience, I still have wounds from the tragic fate of our marriage. But I managed to accept the reality that he was not happy with me and things were not working out for us.

Now, if you are still struggling, do not worry. You might be in the denial stage, bargaining or even close to acceptance. But trust the process of each stage and you will manage to set yourself free from pain.

I know it is hard to accept things right away. But trust me. I have been there and healing takes time. 

Below is the DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) stages of grief. 

• Denial – This is the stage where you are still shocked by the sudden changes of our lives. You are still in the fantasy that all things would go back to how it was before.
• Anger – This happens when reality sets in. You are mostly having mood swings and tantrums in the environment you are in.
• Bargaining – Here, you weigh things out about the situation. For example, you may allow your children to see the other side but there is a condition of limited hours.
• Depression – This stage is where you must deal with the complete loss and prepare yourself to embrace new routines in life.
• Acceptance –Acceptance is where you really can attest that you are ready for what the future lies ahead for you.

Finding Love After Divorce

Having scars is never a hindrance in finding new love. Stop being scared and thinking that it will end up the same. Remember, not everyone is like your EX. 

After this traumatic experience, the way I see love has changed. I’ve been negative about it.  I am afraid to take risks. And I was nervous about dipping my feet in the dating pool again. Mainly because I do not want to experience the same fate or get cheated on again.

Fortunately, I met someone who introduced me to a new love. Someone who accepted me despite my flaws. Someone who showed me new happiness and a new way to live.

If you feel like you are longing for someone’s embrace and would want to feel love again, you should start taking chances now. 

Once you have healed and learned to love yourself, you can find love again.

Every love story is different and the path of finding your true love is different from others. Now I believe in this saying, “People come and go but there will always be someone out there for you.” Indeed.

There are so many ways to start finding love after divorce. If you need a few ways (we laughed at some of these) to help you get started, check out HuffPost: How to Find Love After Divorce.

If you have already composed yourself and are ready to move forward, you may want to try these things:

• Connect with your friends. You may never know that ‘’THE ONE’’ for you is among the people you have talked to.

• Be positive. Stop doubting yourself and stop thinking that all men are the same.

• Getting rejected is an opportunity to meeting the right one. This is a path that would help you decide who you really want.

• Embrace the reality that you could not always get what you want. Sometimes the most unexpected things happen when we do not get what we thought we wanted.

At the end of the day, The sadness you have felt will be no match for the greater happiness that awaits you. Do not let the past interfere with your future.

Trust the process.

Believe that great things will come your way.

Go ahead and find love after divorce. Because it can happen.